If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.
 Now put the foundations under them. 


If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.
 Now put the foundations under them. 

Just a really good day? #Day13ofGratitude

I woke up at 3am due to jetlag. Then I proceeded to read for 2 hours and then go for a swim. :] Then we went to the mall to get the indosat sim card set up. After that we went to kejayaan and picked up my ol’ grandma from home. After that, we ate with my dads friends and my aunt and uncle. I played tetris blitz the whole day. 

After that, we dropped my sister off to her friend’s place while my dad and I went to a place called ancol to chill. Before we went to ancol we ate coconut :D hehehe. and we ended up drinking at pizza hut by the beach and just talked about a lot of unresolved issues. I feel a lot better and I feel a lot calmer after the talk I had with my dad.

I am so tired though and I’m hella jetlag. about to go to an island in lampung tomorrow. Rawr. So my brains like half fried. 

I want to play piano so I’m going to make this short !! :D

words of wisdom:

Better to gain the relationship of a father than riches of the world.

I’m a wise man :D teehee tensai desu neeee.~

Japanese/Italian word of the day:


Japanese - 積極性 (sekkyoku-sei)

Italian - positività

:] today is about positivity.

Also, I don’t know whether or not I’ll have internet in lampung so I might have to skip a few days with the gratitude posts. :( too bad. I really hope they’ll have internet somewhere hahaha .But I’m excited to go snorkeling and see the fishiesss. :]]


I’m grateful for heart to hearts with my dad. I’m grateful for misunderstandings that get understood again. I’m grateful for the place that I am right now and I’m grateful for being able to sleep in a nice bed with an awesome jetlag tiredness to crash to. I’m grateful for everything that’s happened so far on my trip and I hope that I can come back to who I really am becoming. I’m grateful for all the friends and family that I have, I’m grateful for the food that I ate and I’m grateful for my sister and my father for both having the awesomeness that I can relate to. I’m grateful for CD burning and the lessons of humility that Indonesia has showed me so far. I’m grateful for the vast majority of people in Indonesia being in the poorer side of the spectrum so that I can learn from how they are. 

I’m grateful for being tired. I’m grateful for my jetlag. and I’m grateful that I’m taking small steps to reach my goal.

Nice thoughts before going to bed.

After coffee with Ozil, we roam around Rome to see the scenery. :]

Night peepz. ^_^ I had a good day. Hope you did too. Remember the angels that surround you.

VIP Lounge, Chinese Dim Sum, and FAMILY BUSINESS ! #Day12ofGratitude

MAN I’m here sitting at the VIP lounge for China Airlines in Taiwan. SHIT is so niceeee. They had dim sum buffet, yakult drinks, and free wifi. We got here like 5am in the morning and there was no one here but now there are a lot of people coming in and out. The flight wasn’t bad. At SFO, I met these two backpackers, John and Neil from ASU (they’ve graduated) and they’re backpacking to Vietnam. They were playing chess and I just came up to them. Neil works at Ernst and Young Associates in SF while John works in a finance company in SF as well. Looks like the type of people that I want to know lol. But they were really nice and open about their experiences traveling. Neil was 1/2 indian but I couldn’t tell by the looks of it; he looked white lol. 

Talking to them, made me realize that traveling and backpacking is possible. They went to Africa last year, going to Vietnam this time and they’ve been to Europe before too. This is the type of life that I want..! At least in the next 1 or 2 years. It was great talking to them and I wish them the best time of their lives in Vietnam man. Sounds like they have a rich life. 

Anyways, the flight (12hours) wasn’t that bad. I slept for most of the time and then the other times I spent reading Emotional First Aid by Dr. Guy Winch and playing Tetris and Pac-man. Now I want to download Tetris and Pac-man on my phone ! hahaha. Now I’m doing that. I’m in a good mood. Another thing that the VIP lounge was cool for is the free showers that they have. There is just something about showering after a long flight that just feels nice. For the people that haven’t done it; it’s niceeeee. DIM SUM WAS SOOO GOOOD though. I might be exaggerating, but not really. it was good. hahahaha. 

So another thing is that I’m confused on which day I’m on in terms of gratitude days lol. Cause I think i skipped yesterday but at the same time it’s because i was on a plane. But nevertheless! I’m still going to hopefully keep blogging. 

Also I am starting a reflective writing blog at benthebookworm.tumblr.com I am going to write about my findings on the summer reading list that I have for the next 2 months (I will probably post the reading list soon here). It’s going to be a social experiment. :D I’m going to try and find my supposedly “voice” in my writing so I’m trying to do different kinds of stuff and I figured I got 2 months of free time and I love to read and I’m blogging so might as well try and combine all three of them.

I’m also excited to do some translating work for Louis at the Governor’s Office of Business and Econ Development. Hopefully that translates into something in the near future ! But the most important thing now is to find my voice. :]

I’m feeling very joyous today. So I guess it’s time for words of wisdom.

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. :]


I’m grateful for VIP Lounges and Chinese food. I’m grateful for humans all around me. I’m grateful for God showing the truth to people around me. I’m grateful for my family getting closer and closer with each other. I’m grateful for the safe flight that I just had. I’m grateful for meeting with John and Neil and I hope that their flight and trip will be awesome. I’m grateful for everyone having realizations about themselves that gets them closer to the truth. I’m grateful for the love that is around everyone and is spreading around in my life. I’m grateful for all the haters, the doubters because they are just fuel for my fire. I’m grateful for the Sacramento Kings, basketball, and me being a big part of it in my life. I’m grateful for all the blogs that I’ve written and I’m going to write. I’m grateful for my past and I’m grateful for my future. I’m grateful for the people that just came through that door. I’m grateful for the smiles that the people sitting beside me just gave each other. I’m grateful for baseball and the A’s smashing the crap out of the Astros 13 - 1 today. I’m grateful for Brandon Moss hitting a Grand Slam today. I’m grateful for Stephen Vogt who hit a 3-run double in the bottom of the 8th. I’m grateful for my MLB Gameday app. I’m grateful for my sister and my dad. I’m grateful for my mom and my brother. I’m grateful for things finally feeling like they are coming together. I’m grateful for all the relationships I have with people today. I’m grateful for love, life and the pursuit of happiness. I’m grateful for the emancipation proclamation. I’m grateful for the idea of the equality for all men. I’m grateful for so many things sometimes it’s so hard to even think of what I’m grateful for. I’m grateful for being grateful. I’m grateful for battling with past psychological wounds that I have in my mind. I’m grateful for being independent. I’m grateful for my parents giving me a lift when I’m down and giving me a place to stay. I’m grateful that Jim Johnson is finally released from the A’s (though I slightly do feel empathy on his part; I hope the best of luck for Johnson, too bad he couldn’t fit in our bullpen). I’m grateful for Evan Scribner who just got recalled from AAA and pitched the 9th inning today to give Samardizja (i don’t even know if I spelled that right) his 8.0 1 ER win today. I’m grateful for Billy Beane for sending two awesome pitchers to the A’s (i’m not too sure about Hammel yet, I feel like he still needs to fight for his spot in the bullpen). Most of all, I’m grateful for the one woman that made me start this whole blog and gave me this path to be grateful every single day. 

:] So many things to be grateful for. I hope to be a channel of universal love and gratitude for all man!

Now happy thoughts not before I got to sleep but before I board on the plane. 

I just want a sit down cup of coffee type of day with Ozil. That’s my happy thought.

BYeEEEEEE :] keep smiling ya nerds. !! And keep writing poetry. and smiling. and loving. and being open to people and experiences. Remember, if you are sad humans can subconsciously pick that up. If you are happy they can also subconsciously pick that up. So be happy ! :]

I almost forgot.

Japanese/Italian word of the day!


Japanese - 飛行機 (hikoki!)

Italian - aereo

The A’s lost a game, but I gained a friend. #Day11ofGratitude

I had such a turning point of my life today. Yesterday was about humility and a “character building” day while today was about new friends and bonding of old friends and connecting ties with them.

Let’s talk about it. I don’t feel like writing about it, and I just feel like thinking about it, but I know that in the future I’d be glad to talk about it. Let’s just say that the weight of my brain and mind just got so much shallower. And I know that I’ll be sleeping really well tonight, if at all. 

I went to play basketball this morning with my friends for 2 hours. Met great nice people at El Camino High School and my legs are super tired. Then I got home and went on a hike at Hidden Creek Falls with my friend, code name… Star Trooper. We had a great time, great talks, great hike. 

Then I got home and we ate Elephant Bar at night. It was really cool. I wish they had more food that they serve for the price, but it was good. My sister, parents ,and my sister’s boyfriend were all there. And we had good talks. 

The TV Show Lie to Me is getting better and better and I’m so bummed that I won’t be able to finish it when I’m here in the States. I hope that when I get back to Indonesia, I’ll be able to finish it up. x]

I’m going to Indonesia in less than 24 hours. And I’m like 90% done packing. I hope to be done by tomorrow. Well I better be done by tomorrow. 

Japanese/Italian Word of the Day:


Japanese - 安全 (Anzen)

Italian - sicurezza

:] All these random words. It’s great lol.


I’m grateful for life. I’m grateful for love. I’m grateful for my sister. I’m grateful for listening ears. I’m grateful for the truth. I’m grateful to be released from my own mental prison. I’m grateful for everything that has shaped me to become who I am. I’m grateful for every rejection that has occurred to me because it has made me that much stronger. I’m grateful for every acceptance letter that I get to make me grow to become one step closer to my goal.

I’m grateful for life. I’m grateful for all the friends that I talked to on the phone today. I’m grateful for all the people in my life. I’m grateful to God.

Positive thoughts before I sleep.

I’m a deception expert and I work for the United States Government. I’m bad ass shit. And I’m happily married with Ozil and have a bunch of kids with her. Probably 12, because she’s just so goddamn beautiful.

Goodnight everyone ! :]

Keep smiling !!! 

There’s no universal facial language for gratitude so just keep being grateful EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIVES IN HOWEVER WAYS YOU CAN ! :]


Humility. #Day10ofGratitude

Had a chill day. Woke up and got in a fight with my mom. Then went to Barnes and Nobles and AAA and Mercury Insurance. Then went to the Governor’s Office again and saw my old boss. 

Hmm. Turns out from what I know everyone, everywhere has something to hide. It seems like the polarity of the world of people older than me stems from lies or something that they’re hiding. But we all have our share of secrets right?

Maybe there will come a day when the truth comes out. 

Anyways. I’m glad I’m doing this. I slept early today at like 7pmish thinking I would wake up 1 - 2 hours later but it turns out I slept until 2AM and i’ve been watching Lie to Me since. It’s now 4.50am.

But I’m feeling good about tomorrow. And positive thinking. and all that stuff. :]

Words of wisdom for the day:

If God didn’t make me the way I am, why in the hell did he make me in the first place? So there must be a reason why I’m this way.

It’s just a matter of how you use your talents, or not-so called talents  I suppose. We seem to have an idea of what the world generally accepts and doesn’t accept. But the truth is no one really has the upper hand. I’m trying to get this out of my head. I also need a change in environment. 

Good thing I’m leaving tomorrow night ! I’m going to pack after this. Going to eat, and then pack after this. I’m playing ball in like 5 hours too. Going to be a big day for me :]

Italian/Japanese word of the day:


Japanese: 忍耐力 (Nintai-ryoku)

Italian: Perseveranza !

It says that there are 7 other translations for perseverance in Japanese so I’m really not sure how accurate that word is. But it’s good enough.

Okay. So 


I’m grateful for being a little bit clearer on what I want to do in life. I’m grateful for every single day because every single day is a perfect day in the right perspective. I’m grateful for being lazy in my own way. I’m grateful for being hard-working in my own way. I’m grateful that the process of success is taking longer than I expected because I get a clearer and clearer view of what I can do everyday. I’m grateful that I’m at a much better place now than I was a year ago. I’m grateful for God and all his works and all the mysterious things he does to make room for his creations. I’m grateful for the TV Show Lie to Me and Paul Ekman for the Psychology of facial expressions because it’s given me an interest to do, something to do with psychology.

I’m grateful for seeing my boss today Louis. I’m grateful for going to GO-Biz today. I’m grateful for the opportunity I have to being a translator for GO-Biz. and I’m grateful for having a home. I’m grateful for my friends and my family. I’m grateful for the awesome day I’m about to have today. I’m grateful for everything in the whole wide world.

Good thoughts before going to sleep or should I say, starting the day.

Going to play basketball and dominate the crap out of people. Get signed by the Sacramento Kings and win an NBA Ring with them. :]

And I’m happy.

Good morning world. :] have a great day. 

Don’t forget to give the people hope and change through your smiles.

Cathedral. #Day9ofGratitude

Went to the Cathedral Church with Jade today. Then went to Davis and ate In n Out. Great day overall. Had a good talk with Jade about life. I mostly did the talking, she, not so much.

Anyways. Then I finished season 1 of Lie To Me and the last season was kind of a downer. 

Went to dinner tonight with my parents at a pretty nice place in Rocklin. Had a good experience, I was trying to be open minded about things.

I’m a bit tired today so let’s skip to the chase.!

The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.

The older I get, the more I hope to be seeing clearer and I believe that I am. Day by day.

Japanese/Italian word of the day!

Good morning :]

Japanese - おはよう (ohayo~)

Italian - Buongiorno.

Going to say good morning to my mother tomorrow morning in Japanese and Buongiorno to my dad. :D I’m also leaving for Indonesia in 4 days. So I gotta start packing !! 


I’m grateful for the mess us humans make, so that I learn humility. I’m grateful for desires because it makes us human. I’m grateful for mistakes, regrets, all the dark sides of life, because that is where God becomes a giant in the human mindset. I’m grateful for psychology. Biology. Epistemology. Economics. Accounting. Business. Management. Organization. Motivation. Philosophy. Mathematics. Physics. Because of each one of them, they have a side that have created humans to become the way that we are today. I am grateful that I am moving forward despite all the hardships that come my way. I’m grateful for being loved and loving at the same time. I’m grateful for my family and friends. I’m grateful for the courage got gave me to become the person that I am becoming. I’m grateful for seeking the truth about life and moving forward. I’m grateful for being able to type right now. I’m grateful for cake. I’m grateful for relief. I’m grateful for giving thanks. I’m grateful for prayer. I’m grateful for understanding. I’m grateful for friends. I’m grateful for being alone. I’m grateful for being in solitude most of the time nowadays. I’m grateful for the positive feedback I get from people as well as the negative. I’m grateful for all the people that i have met in this lifetime. I’m grateful for being tired so I can rest well. I’m grateful for the dreams implanted within me.

Good thoughts before I go to sleep!

I’m going to go to intern/work at the Governor’s office of business and economic development and I am going to implement a plan of the way that California should be in 10 years. :] I am having meetings with people and making sure that we get to the bottom of this as close as possible.

That’s my good thoughts for the night.

Night loners. Stay safe. Stay sane. Or not. :]

Attitude > Intelligence. #Day8ofGratitude

Had a chill day. Started out with playing basketball in the AM. I still deep down have dreams of playing pro ball. Internationally. I can contribute..! Attacking Point Guard. #7. Woop woop. Then after that things just kind of settled down. Canceled going to San Jose for some reason. Fear? I don’t know. But next time definitely going to kick it. For some reason, I feel like I need to align my thoughts and get my focus together. But I’ve been living in a different reality for so long, it takes time to readjust to coming home. 

Anyways, Watched a whole bunch of Lie To Me. I think I’m picking up some of the things they’re teaching. hehehe. Much more social experiments SOON..! I’m excited. :] 

But today, my day consisted of just chilling, being unproductive, so unamerican. hahahaha. But I’m good though. I need to change my mindset to go back to indo anyways. Tomorrow night, I’ll start packing..! 

Short day today, so I thought I would tell a small short story. :]

Once upon a time there was an Earth. This earth was filled with life. Water, the ecosystem, there was algae that created the oxygen, eventually these things evolved and became fish. These fish had a small consciousness and through time, some of them developed legs, to walk on land. The transition between land animals and water animals are called amphibians. These animals can be both in water and land. They’re in lingo. Like how our consciousness are sometimes in lingo. One day we’re in water, then one day we’re walking in dry land. (Water representing irrationality, non-structural, random; Land representing rationality, structural thoughts, and scientific).

In our minds, we go through the evolution of the whole earth; but in our bodies we only go through a small portion of that through the slow development of the human race. It’s quite an interesting paradox, yet it’s somehow one to ponder.! This is my role as a philosopher, to produce these paradoxes and hopefully stretch out your mind to be able to see life in a different and wider perspective. I believe if we can stretch our minds just enough and connect with people, we can really find our destiny and the meaning of what it means to be human. At least, that’s the journey I’m going towards. I figure, image is just something you see on the outside, like a shell. Anyone can touch up and put on their little makeup every single day, with their emotions, their little secrets of what they talk about, etc. But at the end of the day, everyone has their truth within them and no one really wants to share those. As I have mine, other people have theirs also. 

The more I start to realize this, the more I become fascinated with human beings. The way that we evolve, the level of evolution that we are in, it’s quite evident, only if we pay attention. I’m grateful for Lie to Me to just give me a scent of this and now I’m really interested in it. 

Anyways, history repeats itself. Milton Friedman had a theory about the human race one day not having enough food because the rate of increased population is faster than the way that we produce our food. But then that theory got nullified through the Industrial Revolution.

Now, if we take the industrial revolution and see the development of what happened through that 20 year span, before and after, we can see that the level of human living before the industrial revolution and after are quite different. Interesting isn’t it? Who are we not to say that the industrial revolution isn’t bound to happen again? Yet this time, it’s not about food. It’s about energy. A new level of revolution is happening in our very eyes, I call it the Energetic Revolution. 

The level of thought a person has with himself plays a big role in the way that he gets treated and supposedly succeeds in this world. The amount of positive energy a person has, correlates with the level of success a person has. Through practice, the person that wins is the positive person. Now, in a glance, we can say that this is GOOD for the world. The world needs more positive people, people that are kind, etc. Will ultimately one day the world will be just filled with positive people? That’s a question that I can’t answer because I don’t know God’s thoughts, however I do know that I am control of my OWN world and Yes. The longer I live, the more positive people are going to be in my life. Because positive or negative, it’s all a personal choice. If there is anything that I learned from my dad, it would be this. 

Now, on to my story.. The faster people realize that all our minds are connected like magnets, the more a person would realize that positive thinking is the greatest asset a person can have. Attitude > Intelligence. I learned from my sister that a person would rather be interested in someone that gives them truth, even if it’s about the simplest matters like what utensil they like to eat their food with, etc. Compared to someone that knows the multiplication table from 1 - 100. 

So what’s the end of all this? What can we conclude from the Energetic Revolution, Positive thinking, Creating our own inner world, and the paradox of life’s deepest secrets? It’s quite simple actually. And it always boils down to the most “cliche” conclusions. Which I think is quite a boring ending; but like Cervantes said, “The Journey is Better than the Inn” which means that life is meant to be lived day to day going out there doing things than being at home. 

The conclusion comes down to the Golden Rule. What you set out to your world, you will get. If you give out positive vibes, you will return positive vibes. You give out truth, you will return truth, etc. Now how one sees this is very subjective. Just like how Einstein explained his theory of E = MC^2. It was a huge deal and it seems like Einstein was a celebrity, but until today I bet I can ask all my parents’ friends and my brother and sisters’ friends what e = mc^2 means to them, and they would probably say that they don’t care about it. Now is this the world that Einstein, Da Vinci, Newton envision the world to see? Probably, probably not. We can never know. 

But what I want to learn is people that think about these things and have a definite conclusion on what it means to them. Because I want it to mean something to me. Call me naive. Call me stupid, I don’t care. I know the path I’m walking and just like Nietzsche says,

On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.

And I’m training my powers so that I will be able to climb higher tomorrow. How many people actually read these and delve into what they really think about? The greats? Not even professors do these anymore, and if you are one of the people that do this type of reading, I salute you because the Human Gods above are rooting for you. We might be misunderstood, crazy, living in our own abyss, BUT WE DON’T CARE. We pursue truth! Even if that means giving our sanity away.

Now, I hope for the small amount of people that do pursue this level of truth; we will find our heaven; our paradise. Our perfection of the puzzle. 

In conclusion, Love and you will get love. Be courageous and you will receive courage. What you want, just throw it away to the world and it will come back to you, if it’s meant to be. 

Words of wisdom: 

I’d rather be optimistic and a food, than pessimistic and right!

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.

Success is best measured by how far you’ve come with the talents you’ve been given.

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.

:] If you’re feeling like shit, next time FORCE yourself to smile for 5 seconds. After the 5th second, you’ll start to feel better and you’ll smile for more.

Italian/Japanese word of the day!


Japanese: ダンス(dansu)

Italian: Danza !

Well, that was easy. I chose this word so that I may dance with the world. Metaphorically. :]

Because every good thing that this world has to offer flows through me. I’m consciously opening up all my channels for this to happen. 


I’m grateful for Ozil and her beauty. Seeing it inside and out. Well actually, just imagining it inside and out. Maybe the beauty that I see in her, is just my own that I want to see. I’m grateful for getting a clearer view of my family, the emotional triggers that is embedded in all my family, and my sister. I’m grateful for my sister because I see so much sadness and insecurity in her, but she still manages to be so confident and courageous. It’s quite inspiring really. It makes me feel like I’m her inferior. -.-” But it’s okay, because I know that each person learns at a different pace. I’m grateful for my sometimes complex and lively mind because I know when I get older, I’ll have a really great friend that can accompany me… Myself :] I’m grateful for all the relationships that people are in right now because I can appreciate the beauty of relationships through their examples. I’m grateful for being so awesome it’s sometimes ridiculous. I’m grateful that humans were engineered to have all their little secrets, because I wouldn’t be able to read them or try and see their motives as a human studying humans. I’m grateful for Paul Eckman that thought about microexpressions and trying to understand human emotions. I’m grateful that I get to listen to Sam Smith radio on Pandora because no other country has Pandora. I’m grateful for having such patient parents because their middle child is still a child. Hahahha. I’m grateful for other people my age that still don’t know what the hell they’re doing because I have some people to connect to. I’m grateful for all the hatred emotions that people have towards me because I now, at this time, know their true colors. I’m grateful for God, Jesus, the Prophet Muhammand because their writings give me peace of heart. I’m grateful for living a hard life at my time at Santa Barbara because it’s made me stronger of who I am right now. I’m grateful for all the people that are suffering because it gives me a purpose in this world to ease their suffering even if it’s just a little bit. I’m grateful for all the people that have it together in their lives because it makes me motivated to get it together myself. I’m grateful for my sister, really. Because she really is strong. One thing that I learned from her today is that it doesn’t take someone to be proud or have vanity to be strong; being strong means that every single day of your life you’re afraid, that your insecurities show but instead of making them insecurities, they become a powerful gesture that generates confidence. I learned that being strong is having a smile on your face even when things are crumbling a little bit in your heart every single day. It’s these people’s smiles and joy that make the world worth living, and she’s a great example for that. I’m grateful for all the love that I have in my heart. I’m grateful for being able to use more than 20% of my brain. I’m grateful for my parents for giving me a place to stay so that I can slowly organize and manage my thoughts. I’m grateful for the future I have ahead of me. I’m grateful for being born a dreamer, a rebel, and confused as shit of what the hell I’m supposed to be doing here in this world. Because it just means that I really care about my life. I really care about what i do in this world and I want to give it 150% of the thing that I want to do. I thought that it was music and entertainment, and it might still be, but I’ve still got baby steps to take; and even though the media of America might not agree with this approach, I live my own life and I don’t have to have anyone tell me how to live my life. 

I’m grateful that I realize that I’m important. I’m grateful that I have a high self-esteem for myself. I’m grateful of having self-confidence and the radiance of self-confidence. I’m grateful for love because I know what I can die for. I’m grateful for being more open in my own personal life and accepting people for who they are. I know I’m special and I’m living this world like I’m the only Ben Basuni there is. Because the truth of the matter is that there is only one. I’m grateful for all the past mistakes in my life because those are lessons for me. I’m grateful for my awesome attitude 24/7. I’m grateful for solitude so that I can steady my mind.

Happy thoughts before I sleep:

I’m going on a date with my wifey; in this case, Ozil. We’re roaming around Italy and we’re having a joyous time. Sicily to be exact, around the village area. We go eat lunch. I have the pasta, while she has the spaghetti. We both drink red wine. We’re classy as hell and everyone around us know. We dress well, eat well, and we laugh. We have the simplest things and people are envious of that and we know that. We both have different worlds, but we share the same utopia. And we live there. Just the two of us. I read my Rumi, she doesn’t read. After eating our lunch we take a small walk around the grape orchards and we practice our Italian while laughing at our silly selves. Sam Smith radio got me feeling too many feelz. hahahhaa. But I don’t care. Why do i have to care about your goddamn opinion.? 

Then, after that we go home. And we silently do our own little things. I read my book, do my work, writing, singing, reading. And I take a glance up at her. And I just stare at her and smile. :]

And she stares at me. And she blushes and looks away. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. This Michael Jackson song is soo good. Love Never Felt so Good - Michael Jackson. 
hahahha. I’m so silly. I’m probably going to laugh at this when I read this. But I don’t care. :]

Night loners.

Keep chasing your dreams.

Keep opening up your heart.

One day you’ll become a rose garden.

Just have faith.

And stay in the dark. :] 

Cause we’re born from there; the only light you want is the light from above.

*Good vibes.* I’m sending it to the world.

I hope the world receives my telepathic message that I implant a small mustard seed of love into all the people in this world. All the created animals and plants, the ocean. I send you this little seed of love. So will you pretty pretty please grow and reach Ozil so I can summon the courage to ask her out on a date. :] 

Life is purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect.

Hike. #Day7ofGratitude

Going to keep this one short tonight and I thought I would do it a bit earlier.

I watched “Lie To Me” and I thought it was pretty interesting. I hiked Hidden Falls today, went to eat Indian Food in Roseville, and played NBA2k14. I also watched Lie to me. rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. RAWRRRRRRRRRR.

Oh on the bright side! My sister’s boss had their baby today. :] And her birthday and name is based on her grandma’s name and they both share the same birthday. HUWEIRD. It was a cool story she told. :]] So happy for them. ^_^

Words of wisdom:

By reading a motivational quote every day 
you may find that it will focus your mind on a positive thing.


I’m grateful for a simplistic point of view on life. I’m grateful for all the talents I have. I’m grateful for the courage that I have within me. I’m grateful for my shortcomings. I’m grateful for my friends that went hiking with me. Kat and Nomin :] I’m grateful for the chill experience that we had today. I’m grateful for good karma. I’m grateful for love, life, happiness, and the pursuit of anything we fucking want in the United States of America. I’m grateful for discipline, self-control, and the ability to conquer oneself. I’m grateful for loving this world with all its many flaws and destruction. I’m grateful for another day of living. I’m grateful for the mini world I create to put myself a little bit at ease. I’m grateful for everyday coming closer and closer to the people that I need in my life, and everyday to go further and further away from the people that God wants to put out of my life. I’m grateful for slowly pursuing my dream life. I’m grateful for my ADD/ADHD because I have such a different point of view on the world and even though right now I might not see the worth, I know one day the seeds that I have planted throughout my life will grow into a beautiful tree with healthy fruits and flowers coming from it. :D hahaha. I’m grateful for new perspectives and friendships that open your mindset. I’m grateful for having something to do every single day of this week. I’m grateful for another lunch of indian food again. I’m grateful for people that research things like the tv show lie to me. I’m grateful to be in the United States for just another day. I’m grateful for being able to pursue my dream one more day tomorrow. I’m grateful for Miguel who repaired my car. I’m grateful for the truth and nothing but the truth. I’m grateful for my past, present, and future. I’m grateful for all the religions of the Earth that teach one another how to be closer to each other and honor each other as a true human being. I’m grateful for all the stupid mistakes I’ve made in the past because it’s taught me lessons and made me the person who I am today. I’m grateful for knowing a path that is in my heart, but still isn’t in my mind. I’m grateful for all the burdens I have because without them I wouldn’t be able to work my way as a diamond. I’m grateful, grateful, grateful.

Japanese/Italian word of the day!


Japanese - 喜び (yorokobi)

Italian - Gioia (pronounced Joy-a)


Happy thoughts before I go to bed.

Sleep is good. And much sleep is good. I wake up, I produce music, I write stories, I have great friendships I share these stories and music with. I am happy, grateful, humble, and always wanting to learn. I’m sending out positive thoughts all throughout the day. And I have everything in my life that I can possibly want. :] I have everything in my life that I can possible need. I’m grateful again. To be alive. To smile. To have food in my stomach. And share this joy with other people. ! Simplicity is the key to the soul !~ 

Poetry Night. #Day6ofGratitude

Another perfect day. Every day is a perfect day. I could get used to this ! 

Don’t even know where to begin. There’s so much life into life once you start plunging into it. I went to Folsom Lake Recreation Area today. $12 to get in. But it was sick as fuckk. Excuse my language. I’m going to add another thing from day to day. I’m going to try and learn Japanese and Italian. So for the next 24 days I’m going to do 1 vocab word for both Japanese and Italian. 

Today’s “Word of the Day” is ‘Prayer’.

Japanese - 祈り Inori

Italian - Preghiera


Then after going to the state park, I went to Davis and ate at Four Seasons Chinese Gourmet. Met with with Mvssive and hmmm code-name Chubbs. Mvssive went hiking with me today and we shared some good poetry together. Her poetry is cold. Like I can feel the bones in my body just stiffen up. I liked her one poem that she wrote about philosophers and painters. I can’t remember, but I have to ask her for it. It was good. I shared poetry, she shared poetry. I felt rich. Then she taught me how to say some words in Russian. I feel like Russian is a difficult language and I definitely want to write down Russian vocab words in my phone notes. hahaha. That way, I will remember !~ But it was great, I felt like I connected with another human being today :] 

Then after our 5hour long hike/hanging out/ reading poetry. 10.30am - 3.30pmishh. I went home and showered and went to Davis where we went to poetry night at 8pm in Davis !! Hahhahaha. The guest speaker was a wonderful woman by the name of Eve. She had such a beautiful jazzy voice and I enjoyed her poetry. 

Long story short, I ended up reciting two of my poems at poetry night. It was all in the spur of the moment, but Gandhi gave me the courage to go up there and just recite it. Life is good today. We also went to Red Robin.

I’m going to cut this short today because I still have to go hiking tomorrow. ! Hidden Falls Creek in Auburn, Here I COME ! JIAAAA ! lol.

Asianness is coming out. 

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

Truth.!!! I’m trying my best to love all, trust a few, and do wrong to no one. 


I’m grateful for food. I’m grateful for good service at restaurants. I’m grateful for bottomless fries at Red Robin. I’m grateful for perspectives. I’m grateful for life. I’m grateful for the dark. I’m grateful for the light. I’m grateful for my love. I’m grateful for my sight. I’m grateful for all the blessings that I have received today and the courage that I have encompassed to become a better person. I’m grateful for selfies. I’m grateful for my heart to grow and my mind to diminish. I’m grateful for all the sacred literature that I have read. I’m grateful for the bible, the Quran, the Mathnawi. I’m grateful for poets, for people that LIVE to rejuvenate the soul through words. I’m grateful for the people too afraid to listen to my poems. 

I’m grateful to go to bed because I’m tired as shittt.

Successful thoughts before I go to sleep.

I write poetry and I write music and I make music. And people have sex while listening to my music. Because it’s so goddamn good. I express my soul through music and poetry and let me be an empty mirror to my readers and listeners and listen to the silence that I have gathered. 

Ozil and I take a walk with our Dog, Volkie. Volkie means wolf in Russian. I learned that today hahaha. We talk about our lives, nothing serious, just a regular walk in the park. And she talks and I listen. She smiles and I just gaze. :] Make sure she’s happy. Her heart beating well. That makes me happy. 

Goodnight world. :] Talk to you all tomorrow.


Dismantled Universe. #Day5ofGratitude.

2.40AM. Thanks a lot NBA2k14. :| 

Overall, everyday is a perfect day. So although I had a character building day, I am just going to focus in on the parts of the day that made my day perfect. I worked on the backyard for a little bit today. I napped like a cat. 

Then I ate indian food. And I installed NBA 2k14 on my computer and I’m playing a MyCareer on the Dallas Mavericks. I’m a 6’7” point guard named Yuri Li. I have a green mohawk and blue eyes. Lol. 

Indian food was so good. :| I want more lol. but I think too much of a good thing isn’t good. Sam Smiths’ words. His lyrics are so depressing. Like a gay guy crying about his boyfriend. Lmao. that’s what it actually is about. But I really like his voice and the passion that comes through his songs. So I listen to him anyways. 

Hmm. I saw my Deputy Director of International Relations today and I saw his scar from the motorcycle accident that he got into. We talked about Italy. His wife went to Westmont for her Master’s in Santa Barbara. Overall I liked their family. Caleb, Joya, and Kiriya. I don’t know if I spelled their names right. But they were all full of life. Good vibes from them. I got a task when I go to Indonesia to find a pastor that my friend met in Italy. So I’m excited about that.

Today was a day about surrendering. Surrendering and just being. I feel like the more I live the more I lose control of my life. That I just am better when I go with the flow of the vibes occurring in the moment.

And right now, I have money on mind by Sam Smith stuck in my head.

I also played basketball. D: wasn’t a good run… but it was still basketball so I did it for the love of the game. hahaha. I’m pretty sure nba 2k14 will fuck up my game though. All i do is shoot. hahahha. 

But the first game I played today at the sports complex I went 2 - 11. :| oh dear. but then eventually I played a little bit better. It kinda sucks to have to start your engine when your not really competing at a race. So that’s kind of how I felt. If I had height advantage I think I would be able to be more effective without having to start my engine. Does that make sense?

I hung out with D-Ron for a bit today and played 2k over there. Need to get over these games so I have time for other things. But honestly, being in the position where I am now. What type of things do I need to do lmao. 

I sent an email to the employer in Malaysia stating I can’t go today which was a bit depressing :( But she invited me to go in December. Maybe I will go then !! :]

When God shuts a door, he opens another window of opportunity. That’s the mentality I’m having right now. 

I feel better though. I want to travel. I want to feel rich with experiences !

Tomorrow I’m going hiking. hohohoho. I don’t want to think too deeply tonight. So I’m going to play in some shallow waters. My friend hmmm.. code name - Sin. Texted me. He’s doing well. Wanted me to recommend him some books so I did. Tao Te Ching, Magic of Thinking Big, and Power of Positive Thinking.

Got to get on that level of thinking with the thoughts surrounding the successful people in this world hahaha. 

Anyways, time for words of wisdom ! 

Sort yourself out, protect yourself and ensure your own survival – if you don’t, you can achieve nothing. However, selfishness is empty, so ensure that you make a positive difference to others, and do it now

Do you really want this? If you do then give it your all and give it all the time.

Whenever you meet anybody, look for something nice to say about them, because even if they’ve got a hideous face they might have fantastic ankles or lovely hair, and compliments do cheer people up enormously.

Put your head down and work hard. Never wait for things to happen, make them happen for yourself through hard graft and not giving up.

Moore, there are two sorts of people in life, those that do and those that sit on the sidelines and snigger. Do I have to tell you which one is more worthy?

If you don’t have passion, then you have nothing. If you don’t believe in what you are doing, why would anyone else?

I need these more for myself I think. IKIGAI!

Spur of the moment. Do it for the lovE !


I’m grateful to be tired. I’m grateful for basketball. I’m grateful for my hands and feet to be able to control the basketball. I’m grateful for my friends that play basketball with me. I’m grateful for my laptop, even though I might need a new one soon. I’m grateful for my mind. I’m grateful for my heart. I’m grateful for the friends that I have. The 24 followers on tumblr. The 169 followers on instagram and the 2172 friends on facebook.

I’m grateful for silence. For emptiness.

I’m grateful for not knowing what the fuck I’m doing in my life.

I’m grateful for being so passionate on something that I don’t even know what it is. I’m grateful for learning. I’m grateful for positive thinkers. I’m grateful for everything in my life that is absolutely perfect. I’m grateful for naps. i’m grateful for dogs and cats. Mice and men. 

I’m grateful for all the funny shit the internet has. I’m grateful for all the past roommates I’ve had in my life. Both the good and the bad. I’m grateful for all the potlucks I’ve attended, all the weed I’ve smoked, all the drugs I’ve taken. I’m grateful for all the experiences I’ve had both good and bad. I’m grateful to have been stuck in my past for a long time now, to finally realize that that shit never should have mattered. I’m grateful for commencement and the futility of it.

I’m grateful for Cleopatra. Now I’m going to change her name because Cleopatra doesn’t seem to fit. I’m grateful for wanting to change her code name to something more simple. I’m going to change her code name to Ozil. Because Ozil just donated 23 surgeries for kids today and I thought that was pretty heroic, just like how in my eyes and in my dreams she’s like a hero to me. In her ways. :]

Also, Ozil has the word Oz in it. Like the Wizard of Oz. And that’s a good story. lol. 

I’m grateful to be alive another day. and so should you. I’m grateful for the people that have helped me become who I am. That’s not a lot. Because not a lot of people really perceive me for the human that I am. 

But that’s partially my fault. I’m grateful for the guilt that I sometimes feel. I’m grateful for trying to always make it perfect for the other person that it breaks my heart. I’m grateful for the passion and the ambition that I hold within my secret little heart to become rich and famous. I’m grateful that this obstacle is so huge of mine that I get scared of it. I’m grateful that it challenges me every single day of my life. I’m grateful for these big dreams I have. I’m grateful for the love that this world has to offer. I’m grateful for the love that I want to offer to this world.

I’m grateful for all the previous jobs, interns, and co-workers I’ve ever had. I’m grateful that I’ve acted in plays and done some stuff on the camera because it shows me that I’m one step closer to the thing I want.

I’m so tired and it’s 3.03AM now.

I’m going to go to bed with positive thoughts of prayer.

Dear God,

I hope you can change the vibration of all human beings, all living things to positivity. Through positivity, you change peoples lives from poor to rich, weak to strong, sad to happy. And I am a testimony of that. I hope that every single person that wakes up tomorrow in the morning has the tendency to want to get to know you more, to know life, to know God. I hope that all the hearts that have been broken be sewed up and healed through your grace. And I hope that you make me a stronger person to keep moving forward in this life of mine. A life filled with dreams that have been crushed, but you are the one that knows my deepest destiny. You are the one that planted it within my heart before I was born. So God, I put my trust in you so that I will be able to find it and work on it with passion until the day I die. I pray for all the kids that want to learn English, to be able to learn English. I pray that I will have the ability to learn Italian and Japanese. And I pray that Ozil’s heart is protected by you. And that you connect our lives one day. 

I pray that for all the men that are and have been my friends to be secure in their hearts, in their jobs, but most importantly in their relationship with you. I pray that for all the women that I have dated, been friends, and even had one night stands with be able to know their worth and value as women of Christ. May they forever understand their true role as women, and the amount of spiritual power they hold to raise the true men of this world. I pray that these women be not tempted by worldly temptations but follow the path of God more diligently to be examples by men like me that want to get to know you.

I pray that you deliver me from evil, from the pits of darkness, and travail the way towards my true goal, my true ikigai. However much I can help a person get convinced to walk the path with their cross and with you; I hope I can be of help. 

Tonight. We surrender. 

Peace out all you misfits, misunderstood loners. May the silence unite us all in the temple of the heavens. 


Overwhelmed. #day4ofgratitude

Speechless. Quite. 

Not much words in my mind today. Had a pretty chill day. Hung out with a friend from SB. Talked about Nietzsche. I’m so grateful for the philosophers out there that climbed the mountain of truth. You know who you are when you reach the mountain top and you see another person there. It’s just a really rewarding experience. My friend, I’m going to call him Dr. Jekyll. Just because. Dr. Jekyll is going to Warrick University next year in England for a Master’s Degree in Philosophy. He’ll be studying Continental Philosophy and after that he wants to get his Ph.D in one of the ivy league universities. I think he can do it. He’s probably the only other person that I know that has more brain power than me in terms of reading and creating his world. He was talking to me about reading Sartre and his discourse on language and being. Totally blew my mind, I couldn’t keep up. But it’s good to have that type of company. I feel like I will be good friends with him later on when we are older. I can see the battles already of our philosphies and the conflicts and similarities that we will have. It’s nice to know that another person is on the pursuit of truth. 

We talked about it, it seems very much futile and useless in the present moment. We even talked about it. He said, if he isn’t going to be a professor he’s going to be fucked lol. And I totally get it. There’s just people like us that can’t be in an office cubicle for 8 hours a day. We can’t be social like people because we start to see how crummy the world is when there’s so much diamonds in our own minds. When we see another diamond, we appreciate the other person so much. That’s probably why him and I get along so well. Just two really awkward people that have a huge interest in the pursuit of truth. Futile? Maybe. But anyone should be able to applaud the attempt though. 

Maybe one day we’ll be recognized by the world that there are people like us that actually try and find the next train of thought for mankind. And the shit that we think about is not anything materialistic, but it surpasses any type of material gain. We are the people that can make Karl Marx’s idea of utopia actually work. We believed in the great minds of the past and we ourselves are taking up the workload of giants. Monuments. And we go unnoticed. It’s quite a beautiful tragedy.

We see the real world. And everyone else lives in their lie. Maybe we’re just a bunch of naive boys that were too heartbroken to accept the realities of today. Maybe there was just one thing that we couldn’t take in our hearts and here we are sacrificing our whole lives to justify the right way of thinking. And all we can do is conversate with one another about the theories of the past and where it fits in now. It’s quite a beautiful heartbreak. It’s like the true philosophers like us know what it’s like to be heartbroken and stay there, taking in all the things that happened but managing to forever keep striving..! But maybe we’re just the lost sheep of God.

Anyways, I had a great time. Viewing the world at such a high level of intelligence at such a young age. It’s quite a luxury. A luxury that comes from within. 

Then after that, I went to Winco and bought some food. I saw a baby that had the most amazing eyes and her mom told me he’s going to be a heartbreaker. Hahahaha. What a cute mom.

Anyways, then after that I went home. Submitted my UCEAP Italy Program for Spring 2015. YAYAYAYAY. :D Hopefully I’ll have the opportunity to go. Figured out today that I won’t be able to teach in Malaysia for 3 weeks for the summer :( super bummed out about that, but it’s okay because I think that if God closes a door, another window of opportunity gets opened ! I don’t feel very enthusiastic today, it was all overwhelming. I had a battle with the devil today and so far I’ve won. But it’s really tiring. I’ve been trying to discipline myself and self-control on my mind and stuff and I think I’m growing stronger but my worlds like spinning right now. Yet I still have to climb this mountain! hahaha *Nietzsche reference.

I chased for my heart, but I ended up losing my mind. I hope Jade gets that. Anyways. Then I played NBA 2k14, I started a MyCareer and his name is Yuri Li. A 6’7” point guard lmao. I got 5 blocks my first game hahahha. Then I got drafted by the Phoenix Suns. It’s such an addicting game lol. But then I printed out stuff for my dad and I sent my UCEAP Italy application. Good day. :] Productive day. Today was a character building day. 

Then after that, I wrote down a lot of things from my handwriting stuff to my laptop. It’s ALOT. But a lot of it is really interesting. I write to an angel to one. Asking him for guidance and I really say some inspiring things. Probably should write a book. Will probably do that super soon. 

Then after that, I set the schedule for my week. Damn my world is really spinning. Resting tomorrow though, thank God. Hopefully I can catch up on some reading and actually start writing ! I stopped by the Deputy Director’s house today of International Relations. Turns out this fool lives like 5 mins away from me. So I’m going to go see him tomorrow. I also have basketball tomorrow which I’m super stoked about. Let go of everything and just play ball.~~

Then after that, I played Chess today. I went to the Chess Club of Sacramento AND OH MA BUDDHA. DAT SHIT WAS SO FUN. I played against a 1800 rating and that fool was in a different world than me. Then I played a guy that knows how to play the Danish Gambit and it was fun. Gary and Josh. I’m coming back next week. I want to learn and get really good at chess!!!~ :D 

Today was so overwhelming though. It’s like I had a hangover from yesterdays’ joy hanging out with Jade lmao. And today I had so many things in my mind I just stopped and focus on a few things first. Oh I hung out with my neighbor D-Ron. He’s ghetto as shit. Lol. Just kidding. He’s far from ghetto. But then after coming back from chess at like around 9;45, we cooked together. It was actually really chill. He’s kind of socially awkward, I’m kind of socially awkward, so it was cool just to cook and not really talk that much. 

But I don’t think that I’m that awkward though. I’m actually a good people person. I just prefer people that aren’t people persons better. Lol does that even make sense. Anyways, good day, just really tiring and overwhelming. Everyday is always a good day. There’s always positives in a day. And today, I feel like the positives is that I just stuck with the grind. I got closer with my neighbor and I think Jesus said something about, if you really truly love, you must love your neighbor as you love yourself. So I really tried to do that today and I think I did a pretty good job. :] hehehehe. What a cool kid this guy.

Anyways, words of wisdom today! i’m going to take stuff from my writing. Hmmm maybe tomorrow. I want to finish it up tomorrow and post it on my other tumblr. Hahahaha. I’m thinking of having different tumblrs for different things to write about. Like a short story one. One about words of wisdom, etc. Idk though it’s just a thought. I feel like with writing these things down, it helps my mind categorize itself into good places. 

Like yesterday, there was WAYYY too much happiness going on in my mind. Hahahhaa. I asked Jade if it was possible if a person can be too happy, I don’t think so. Why live? To be happy! right? hahahaha. Of course, depression thoughts occur, but that happens to everyone, the ones that make a difference are the ones that know how to get over it and understand that those are just feelings and thoughts. They aren’t real unless you put your effort into creating those depressed feelings! 

Words of wisdom:

Before comparing yourself with others, win the battle with yourself. Strive to be better today than yesterday, and better tomorrow than today.

Patience is, in and of itself, a great challenge and it often holds the key to breaking through a seeming impasse.

There is no one as strong as a person whose heart is always filled with gratitude.

Envying another’s beauty will diminish your own. But when you praise beauty in others your own beauty deepens.

Sometimes we complain without thinking much of it, but the frightening thing about complaining is that every time we do, a cloud descends over our heart, and our hope, appreciation and joy gradually wane.

Anyone who has ever made a resolution discovers that the strength of their determination fades with time. The important thing is not that your resolve never wavers, but that you don’t get down on yourself when it does and throw in the towel.

Okay that’s enough. 

Remember guys! Fill your heart with gratitude everytime! Be GRATEFUL EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY! The past doesn’t exist so all you have is this moment! It doesn’t matter the situation that you are in, what matters is, is your heart full of love and gratitude at THIS very moment? That’s the thing that’s important. So love. Be grateful. And pray!~ Everything else will take care of itself.

We often times think that we need more money than we have, more friends that we need, and better items than we really want. But the truth is that all we really thirst for or need is love. This might sound dumb and childish, but trustttttt, without love your life will be empty even though you’re in that house you always wanted.


I’m grateful for the pain. Because without it, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to be happy. I’m grateful for Dr. Jekyll, because in my eyes he’s a hero in this world. I’m grateful for this world filled with little minds, because without them, I wouldn’t be so damn grateful for the people with expansive minds. I’m grateful for all the people that put me down, because the reason they put me down is because deep down they know that I’m better than them. I’m grateful for all the people that work 9 - 5 jobs because without them my future ideas wouldn’t be able to exist without their work ethics. I’m grateful for all the people that are power hungry, money hungry, lust hungry, and all the type of wrong hungers, because without them, God wouldn’t be able to show me the right way. I’m grateful for whoever started this 30 day grateful challenge, because now I am feeling better and better everyday. I’m getting stronger and stronger by the day. I’m grateful for another day of living because it gives me the opportunity to understand death a little bit more. I’m grateful for the weights that the world has put on my shoulders, because it gives me a measure of how much I can take on the world and still keep moving forward. I’m grateful for being Asian American, because it gives me a wide scope range of experiences in this lifetime. I’m grateful for my samsung galaxy s4 that came back and got the camera fixed so now I can sell it in Indonesia for money :] I’m grateful for love. For all the men and women that love me, gay, straight, bi, whatever. I accept your love. And I’m grateful to be a channel open to love because love makes the world go round. Not money. People assume you can buy money with love. Then when people find out that they can’t, money feels all the much better, but there’s a little trap in this thing too. And I’m grateful that my eyes are open and my heart is pure about this. I’m grateful that I have a house, because living in a house, I can make my soul grow. 

I’m grateful for the rejections I’ve had in this lifetime, because without it I wouldn’t get a clear view of who the man in the mirror is. I’m grateful for always continuing to pursue my dream, my vision to the world, because I now have a little bit of an understanding of the pain that the great men of the world have been through. I’m grateful for the hatred that people bestow upon me even though I’ve helped them achieve their goals, because it makes me understand Jesus just that much more with what happened to him with Judas. I pray that the people that have ran away from my life because of their reasons to keep running away from me and towards God, because now I know that they never had anything to do with my life and God put them out of my life for a reason. I’m grateful for all the hearts broken into little pieces in this world because without them, the world would be just a little bit emptier. I’m grateful for Lebron James because without him I wouldn’t have the knowledge that even though you can be the #1 player in the league, without a team you are nothing. Thank you Lebron for being that guy. I’m grateful for all the losers in this life because without them, the winners wouldn’t be winners. I’m grateful for all the things in this world because without all these things, I wouldn’t be saying anything with meaning. I’m grateful for nothing, because without nothing, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate something. I’m grateful for my own hatred towards this world because without this hatred, I wouldn’t be able to know how to love. I’m grateful that i can get annoyed sometimes, because it shows that I myself am human and have flaws. I’m grateful for all the imperfections of my life because without the imperfections, I wouldn’t be able to be as strong as I am today.

I’m grateful for all the dreamers. Because YOU are the ones that inspire me to live, to keep growing, to keep living, to keep striving even though no one believes. But I still do. I’m grateful for my faith. And I’m grateful for God even though I am not seeing him right now. I know he’s there. 

Okay. Before bed. Good memories time.

I have a shitload of money right now. My financial burdens are 0. And all I’m doing is pursuing love and beauty Just like the Greeks did. I have an empire. 

That’s all. Let that be my peace tonight. 


Goodnight loners. :]